Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to successfully resist and stand your ground in the evil day of danger, and having done everything that the crisis demands, to stand firm in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious – so stand firm and hold your ground. Ephesians 6:13-14a
When I am faced with a challenging situation caused by life handing me a bad card, I always remember an anonymous quote my former Pastor would often refer to – “You have to plan to get out of what you did not plan to get into.”
Single parenthood is something many people did not plan to get into. As a teenage girl you did not plan to fall into sexual sin; as a high flyer manager you did not plan on the father to your baby running away from his responsibilities; as a committed Christian businessman you had desired for your marriage to work and did not plan for your wife to run away; and clearly, as a widow or widower you did not foresee the death of your spouse and parent to your young children.
All the above real examples, and many more happening in our communities today were not in the control of these single parents at the time they happened. As we read some of the stories, we might be thinking maybe some of the single parents had a bit more control of their situations than others. Could the teenage girl have done something different to stay away from sexual sin, finish her education, get married at the right age and start a family the right way? Yes. Could the high flyer manager have waited to know this man better, prepare for marriage the right way, solemnize the union and start a family after that? Yes. Could the Christian businessman do something different to get to know the wife-to-be better before marrying her? Yes, maybe. Could the office administrator and the husband do something different to help him overcome his addiction? Yes, maybe. Could the teenage girl from the village have done something to avoid spending time in a strange man’s house? Maybe yes. Maybe no.
As we read through and evaluate our own situations, let’s appreciate that life’s too complicated and will always have maybe-maybe not situations. My point is, we are already in this situation – we are raising a child or children on our own. Life has handed us these cards and there is no going back to how things were before. We have done all we know to do to stand and make things happen.
So now, what’s next? We make a choice!
- Put on the complete armor of God (Ephesians 6:13-14)
- Form New Relationships. (i) (Psalms 1:1-3, 6) If you are struggling with sexual sin and (ii) Isaiah 55:8-13 If we are struggling with grief and disappointments of a failed marriage or deceased spouse.
- Develop New Thoughts (Romans 12:2)
- Develop New Habits (Hebrews 5:14)
SO STAND FIRM AND HOLD YOUR GROUND
In our journey back on our feet, it will feel like we are facing a powerful enemy. I have experienced an intense struggle as if another team is trying to push me back and break me down over and over again. The secret is in standing firm and holding your ground. Whichever direction we choose to take, this program will help us take God’s best option for us, try not to fall back and slide in the mud of life.
My recovery journey was not a matter of my standing firm on my own. We are part of a community – the household of faith. In Philippians 1:27, Paul uses the image of the phalanx with which Philip II of Macedonia once conquered the city of Philippi. In the same manner, shoulder to shoulder, we can all overcome our challenges, stand firm and hold our ground.
Let’s dive right into it!
What is your lowest emotional point in your single parenthood? What question lingers greatly in your mind concerning emotional stability?
10 comments On Stand, After You Have Done All to Stand…
I am fresh in starting out as a single mom of two girls. I am struggling with forgiveness and accepting the reality of single parenting. I just need someone to hold my hand as I feel like I am hurting so much right now.
Hi Mel, forgiveness is more for you than it is for the other person. Forgive the man that hurt you so you can travel light in this life. Also give yourself time to heal from the previous relationship and recover from the wounds and scars experienced. It will take time but it will happen at some point.
I am trying to move on with life after a dead beat dad to my two boys. I would like to date in the future but I am not sure I am ready to commit to another man after the betrayal with my kids dad. I also am not sure if I should continue relating to him for the kids sake or I should cut off completly?
I have this feeling of being fed up with life. I know I need to be strong for my kids but I do not know-how. It’s frightening me.
Mukami hi. It’s normal to feel like this in such a situation of single parenthood. However, take time and focus on self-care because a stable mom or dad, raises a stable child. You should shift your focus to God and what He desires to achieve through this life. Please find a community of single parents to draw on the strength of synergy and fellowship so that you don’t keep feeling alone.
I am afraid of introducing a new man to my son without first talking to him about his father. But I don’t know how to go about it.
How do I know it’s the right person to get into a new relationship, after the first guy left me with a baby and how do I introduce the new man to my daughter and avoid her Feeling rejected by his former dad?
Lucy hi. They say once beaten twice shy. It’s normal to develop trust issues but understand that not all men are irresponsible. There are some good men who make good husbands and good dads out there. I would encourage you to first discover yourself and God’s purpose for you so that when the right man comes, you will have something significant to contribute to the marriage. Marriage is much more than just for companionship or recreation, marriage is about purpose. There has to be something greater than the two of you. This will comprise of goals you two should share to impact humanity and advance God’s agendas on the earth.
You will need to check the timing to introduce your daughter. You should not do it too early just in case the relationship goes south. Your daughter should not have to go through heartbreaks over and over again.
If you follow God’s guidance, He will send your way a man who will love your daughter so much that it covers the possible rejection she might feel about her dad.
My greatest emotional struggle is I am afraid that my daughter will feel rejected especially when she gets to the age where I have to explain that the dad left us and did not want anything to do with her. How do I explain that? I can handle the rejection but it breaks my heart just on the thought of what it will do to her.
Grace, God cannot be stuck. When the time comes, please explain to your daughter that you love her so much. Explain to her that people sometimes make mistakes and then realize later in life when it might be too late. Explain, not in much details, the situation with the dad. What you want to avoid is bad-mouthing her dad. If you are honest from the start, it gets easier over time as she continues to grow and comprehend the situation. And if you are the one that made the mistake, be honest also to mention it to her.