You Before We (But Only Sometimes!)

There’s a lie that sneaks into our hearts once the wedding is over and the babies arrive: “You don’t matter anymore.” Everything becomes about the we—the children, the ministry, the bills, the dinner menu. But here’s a truth that saved our marriage more than once: It’s not selfish to care for your soul; it’s survival.

There are seasons when either Patrick or I feel personally drained—maybe it’s our prayer walk that’s gone quiet, ministry assignments weighing heavily, or just life handing us a rough patch. In those times, our marriage begins to feel it too. We become more irritable, less playful, and connection feels like effort. We’ve learned that when one of us isn’t well inwardly, we as a couple aren’t well outwardly.

This might sound counterintuitive in a culture that glorifies the hustle and praises self-sacrifice: but sometimes, the most loving thing you can do for your spouse is to take care of yourself.

When we each take time to nurture our relationship with God and care for our emotional well-being, we show up for each other refreshed—not resentful. Prioritising sole-care makes the we stronger because the you is healthier.

“Love your neighbour as yourself.” (Mark 12:31)
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Jesus’ words remind us that healthy love for others is built on a healthy view and care of self. That includes your spouse. That includes you.

Couples Reflection
When was the last time you encouraged your spouse to take a break—for their own sake?
What does it look like for both of you to thrive individually so you can grow together?