What’s the Order of Priority in Marriage?
Order is the arrangement or disposition of people in relation to each other according to a particular sequence, pattern, or method. God has an order for marriage – after God, it has to be our spouses and everything else after…
Today, in our “Making Marriage Work” series, we’re discussing the importance of maintaining priority in marriage, particularly as you move into the sixth year or more.
During this time, many couples are juggling the demands of career advancement, raising children, and pursuing long-desired projects, which can often lead to neglecting their marriage union. Our focus today is on how to keep the spark alive and ensure that your marriage remains a priority.
When we talk about romance in marriage, many different ideas might come to mind. However, before we dive into bedroom intimacy, let’s first address some foundational aspects that can help prevent conflicts and strengthen your union. This eventually enables your romance to thrive!
1. Make Christ the centre of your marriage:
The first and most crucial step is to make Christ the centre of your marriage. It’s a simple yet powerful principle. You may have encountered the triangle analogy in marriage seminars—where God is at the apex, and the husband and wife are on either side. As both partners grow closer to God, they inevitably draw closer to each other, strengthening their bond.
In a previous session, I mentioned the concept of a three-stranded cord, which cannot easily be broken. This represents the husband, the wife, and God. To build a resilient and enduring union, it is vital to ensure that God is at the centre, guiding and correcting both partners. After your relationship with God, your marriage should be your top priority.
This means investing time, money, resources, attention, and commitment into your relationship with your spouse. Often, in the busyness of life, we focus so much on our children or careers that we forget our spouse. Remember, your children will eventually grow up and leave home, but your spouse will remain. Neglecting this relationship can lead to a situation where, after the children have left, you’re left with someone who feels like a stranger.
Intimacy with your spouse starts with your intimacy with God! Sounds far-fetched but works 100% of the time. God is the only person that knows your spouse more than they know themselves and therefore, He can correct and rebuke them towards your union.
2. Ministry of Encouragement
The next important aspect is the ministry of encouragement. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 commands us to “encourage one another and build each other up.”
Your spouse should be your number one supporter, whether you’re pursuing a project, ministry, or business.
In return, you should be their biggest cheerleader. Encouraging each other fosters a strong, supportive environment where both partners can thrive.
3. Bear With One Another
Another key element is learning to bear with your spouse and maintaining a long-term perspective.
Colossians 3:13 instructs us to “bear with each other and forgive one another.”
It’s easy to get annoyed by the small things your spouse might do, but God calls us to forgive, just as He has forgiven us.
This doesn’t mean overlooking serious issues, but it does mean not sweating the small stuff. Instead, communicate effectively and bear with one another in love.
4. Have Sacrificial Love
Jesus also commands us in John 15:12-13 to “love each other as I have loved you.”
This kind of love requires laying down your life for your spouse, putting their needs above your own, and striving to honour God in all your interactions.
Proverbs 17:17 reminds us that “a friend loves at all times.” Your spouse should be your closest friend, and prioritizing this friendship is crucial for maintaining a strong, romantic connection in your marriage.
5. Show Your Spouse Kindness
Showing kindness is another vital practice. Job 6:14 and Proverbs 3:27 warn against withholding kindness from a friend, which in this context, applies to your spouse.
Luke 6:31 further instructs us to “do to others as you would have them do to you.”
Even when you’re tired or stressed, extending kindness to your spouse can go a long way in maintaining a loving atmosphere in your home. It’s not about being kind because your spouse deserves it at that moment, but because it’s what God asks of you.
6. Don’t Gossip About Your Spouse
It’s also essential to avoid gossiping about your spouse.
Proverbs 16:28 states that “a perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
Instead, seek wise counsel from a trusted, small circle when needed, but avoid spreading your marital issues to everyone.
Proverbs 17:9 adds, “whoever would foster love covers over an offense,” which means we should be careful not to expose our spouse’s faults to others.
7. Correct One Another
Be open to correction and willing to accept advice.
Proverbs 19:20 encourages us to “listen to advice and accept discipline.”
Your spouse should feel free to correct you in love, just as you should be willing to do the same for them.
It’s better to receive correction from a loving spouse than flattery from someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
8. Sharpen One Another
Let’s not forget the importance of sharpening each other, as iron sharpens iron. This means continually working together to grow, improve, and become the best versions of yourselves, both individually and as a couple.
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