When growing up, I had all these big plans and aspirations. I knew God but not at a personal level. I was living ‘the life’, I got married at 21 and had a bright future. Things took a turn when I got separated from my marriage five and a half years later. I was so heartbroken and angry with God and most of all angry with myself. It took years on a rollercoaster; from getting saved, to being a party animal to many other things. While still angry with life and God, I met someone and we had a daughter.
That relationship didn’t work out, and shortly I was all alone and a single parent. That was not what I had seen for myself- I got depressed and stressed. I was so angry I used to let it out on my then very young daughter… but having a support group of ladies who never gave up on me even when I spiraled into depression due to lack of finances, they continuously prayed for me, and soon I started seeing God’s hand in so many ways, I got a well-paying job and I was financially stable- I was soon promoted and then with that came some corporate politics and I had to leave due to what they called ‘poor performance’. I had given that job my blood and sweat and this is how they repaid me. I was so angry with God that I felt defeated. I questioned Him and cried so many nights. I had insomnia and got into depression. This time I had to seek professional help, and gradually I was able to overcome it. I have been down and at my lowest, and one thing I have known and seen is that God is God, He is the same yesterday and today. He only has good plans for me and us all. The journey may be so painful and doesn’t make sense. But in His time he makes everything beautiful. His timing is not mine. And in the meantime, all we have to do is to trust in Him and His promises. It is still hard not to question and wonder why me? Or why not me father when all my friends are thriving and progressing? but He will come through. In His timing, He gives me the strength and grace to continue. The secret is to keep pushing. You may cry, push, have downtime but you will eventually pick yourself up and keep going.
I can trust God’s plan because He;
- Never changes- Hebrews 13:8
- Is always with me- Psalms 139:7-10
- Is Faithful- Psalms 119:90
- Is good- Psalms 34:8
- Is love- 1 John 4:7-8
- Is Merciful- Romans 9:15-16.